I wish I could see the infinity of everyone I meet. See them scream at the stars and be the vacuum of gravity that keeps their mouths open. See them stare at public walls and be the salve of blindness in their eyes. See them on their knees above dirty kitchen tiles and be the only soft place for them to beat their heads. I wish I could be naked in front of them all to make them less ashamed of their humanity. I wish I could cradle all the parts that were loved too late. I wish I could let them all break my heart and never let them know it.
Dim eyes, dead eel tied around my tongue, electrocuting everyone I love, so relentless, and as if this curse were gravity, I no longer feel it myself. Tying string tight around my fingers as a reminder to feel anything at all, but instead I’m losing circulation. Hold my hand; please walk away with too much of me. Dear constant North, fall into the sea you promised I could be. I swallowed a whole compass and some guiding light. I want to be good for the good, but I end up sending every star heart-clenched, upside-down into hell. Fire beats rock. Love jagged in my heart, sliced up with a pair of broken scissors. What good is a promise without a ears?
I save my screams for the desert. Where do I lay this great big heart?